Beautiful, My Darling...



Song of Songs 4:7-"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, And there is no blemish in you."

     I struggle with "beauty" big time. Coveting it, misinterpreting it, cursing it, trying to attain it, basically ruining the heart of what beauty actually is. I can spot true beauty pretty easily; in a little sleeping baby, in an elderly couple holding hands, in the smile of my sister, the eyes of my mother, the laughter of my dad. But once the lens is on me, I see lashes that need mascara, a body that needs to be thinner, a smile that needs to be whiter. Never do I see in myself the beauty I see in others.

     It makes me feel like a crazy, vain person, but that's not the truth. The truth about my tortured view of beauty is that I'm hurting. Hurt isn't as visible as we think it is, but rather we take moments that hurt us, gathered from our adolescence into our adulthood and tuck them away in our hearts, hidden. We don't always share with others our hurts. We don't share with others the hurtful words, the hurtful hands, the hurtful absences and abandonment's, and often the hurts that go unsaid also get left unhealed.  Unaddressed and unhealed pain becomes such a part of us that we can believe it was deserved and those words and actions that hurt us get perpetuated by our own thoughts and hands. We become what hurts us.

     Realizing this breakdown of brokenness is life-changing. Tonight I washed off all my make-up, threw my hair up in a bun and looked in the mirror. I first prayed to see myself through Gods eyes, cause mine still judge me unfairly. Following that prayer, I asked myself for forgiveness and then I went down the list of all the audio/video clips captured in my mind and forgave them. Talk about self-intimacy, dang. My eyes are swollen, my nose is bright pink and my cheeks are tear-stained, but I've never felt more beautiful.

     For me, beauty has been hiding out in the act of God's healing. I just hadn't realized how desperately it needed to be found. Now, by no means am I "healed" by this one night, but I am in the process and that is a beautiful, wonderful, magical thing. I pray to see myself with the same grace I see others. I pray you see yourself with that same grace and love. You are not mascaraed eyelashes. You are not your weight. You are not a white smile. What you are is beautiful, my darling. Start forgiving yourself and whoever else led you to believe otherwise. Look at Mother Teresa, that woman radiated so much beauty it was blinding. But you see, it was her heart of love and forgiveness. Her beauty was God dwelling. This external stuff we judge ourselves on is only a lie to distract us from what is true...what is love...what is beautiful.

     Let's not stay trapped in those lies anymore. Go be beautiful. Smiles and love. :)

Happy Mosaic Heart Day

To those in love, to those who are heartbroken, to those who are against such a commercial holiday, I say to you, "Happy Mosaic Heart Day." We wouldn't be where we are without the joy and the pain we've experienced. I know my heart has been painfully and beautifully reconstructed. I know many of our hearts have. So instead of feeling lonely or bitter, particularly on February 14th, feel loved. God made a beautiful piece of art inside you, but its up to us to recognize it. Love is a mysterious and majestic thing, and its limits are endless. Let's choose not to focus on love that was lost or a love that is desired, but rather focus on the love that dwells inside you. It will always be there, maybe not in the same form it once was, but its there, painfully and beautifully reconstructed, more radiant and unique that you could have ever imagined. I thank God for putting together the pieces of my beautiful, mosaic heart.

Love the Skin You're In

If you're anything like me, you may feel like your skin has a slight vendetta against you. It knows the exact time to break out, or dry up, and its usually before that extremely important interview, family photo-shoot, or first run-in with the ex. I can't tell you how many times I've complained and pointed the finger at my skin, cursing it for failing me when I needed it the most. But as many wisemen say....when you point the finger, there are 3 more pointing back at you. (yes, I realize I'm already pointing TOWARD myself, but not AT myself...you know what I mean.)
So I asked myself, "Self, what are you doing to help your skin?"  I didn't really have an answer. Mostly I just washed my face with some "acne-fighting" cleanser, applied lotion, then started the cover-up, I mean make-up process. I had no idea the turmoil I was putting my skin in by using that harsh soap and then clogging the pores with heavy make-up.
Something needed to change, to I started researching the stuff I was putting on my skin and immediately made some changes. So far, these changes have worked for me and I've been doing it now for about 5 to 6 years. If your skin is screaming with dryness, splotchy-ness or breakouts, give this a try.

1. Only wash your face at night. If you wash your face more, it strips the natural oils and moisture which actually causes more breakouts. When you do wash, first splash warm water on your face to open your pores. Then using a soft, mild cleanser ( I use Dove, extra moisturizing bar soap) wash your face for 45 seconds or more. Rinse off the soap with cold water, to close your pores, then follow with a gentle moisturizer. (I use Aveeno Calming Moisturizer with SPF)
2. When you wake up, splash cold water on your face to rinse off any residue from sleeping and to close your pores. Then follow again with your choice of moisturizer.
3. As for make-up. The best thing to use to protect your pores from clogging is to use a foundation primer. This also helps with just protecting your skin from the dirt and pollution in the air. Smashbox makes a great primer and it won't break the bank. Remember with this stuff, a little goes a long way so use frugally.
4. Protect your skin! I struggle with this one, but over-exposure to the sun is not only damaging to your skin, but also increases your risk for skin cancer. You can still get a summer glow with a good SPH,  and enhance it with a bronzer or sunless tanning option. Or go the pale route. Vampires are very "in" right now. ;)
5. Drink water!!!! What we put ON our bodies is only a small fraction of the problem. Its what we put IN our bodies that will make the biggest difference. Mostly our skin will act out as a cry for hydration. Drink at least 8 bottles of water a day. If you already do, drink more. :)
6. Eat healthy. Check out this blog with the list of foods that will help make your skin glow with health. Remember, what we put in our bodies will ultimately reflect in what our outside looks like. Skin, hair, body and confidence!

Now, this may sound like a lot, but it takes time and a deliberate effort to be healthy and maintain truly (not make-up enhanced) healthy glow. I encourage everyone one of you to try at least the water drinking and skin washing tips for at least 3 months before you sign up for some $300/year skin-care regimen. 9 times out of 10 you'll see a difference and you'll save yourself tons of money and couterspace!